i definitely have a no-sugar-related headache.  duriyyah said tonight in class, "you'll get a headache" and i was like, i have one but it's not from that...and as soon as i said it, i realized she was right--it was from the lack of sugar.  funny how we deny stuff.  anyway i don't even want sugar right this second...i want a fat cheeseburger from johnny's carryout and about 5 episodes of the boondocks while in bed just before i fall asleep, but what i'm gonna get isgo pick up my daughter from cindy's and then maybe edit her homeowrk a little bit and whatever.  maybe i do want sugar.  i gave away my box of junior mints and mini-snickers tonight--to aaron--and i wasmad i hadn't eaten them before.  i feel like so much of my day has been spent with sugar somewhere on the edges/center of my mind...i realized tonight that thinking about that whole thanksgiving sweet potato pie thing makes it harder...i'm fast-forwarding in my head to all the pies i can't eat on t-giving and that's making me feel all martyr-like, like just imaging the future deprivation makes it feel like the sacrifice is happening now.  which is one way we mess with our own heads--we imagine bad stuff that's gonna happen in the future and we hate our lives NOW because of it (well not really hate our lives but worry/fear/whatever), and that's kinda crazy.  i mean, i'm not feeling the sweet potato pie deprivation NOW because NOW isn't t-giving day, so why go through all this mental mind-game stuff to make myself feel bad now AND later? we really do help create ourselves in the most negative of ways....like, "i want to be a lawyer...but what if i don't get into law school?  what if i don't pass the bar?  what if i'm a terrible lawyer?" so we never even take a law class, because we've already mentally undone ourselves, which is another way of saying we fucked ourselves up.  for noooooooo reason--wth? 

hungry...tired...cold (they need to put some heat in this 5th floor library)...headache-y...but interested in where this road will take me.  every time i give up sugar i learn something different...some things--plural--different.  more tomorrow-----