it's that starbucks thing...last night i had a dream that some woman at the airport sold me some expensive gloves because i was going to iceland...gloves i didn't want but didnt know i was buying til my credit card had run and the gloves were in my hands...and then a few minutes later i look down and i'm holding a half-finished caramel frappucino with whipped cream...realizing i've been cheating without realizing it...mad/upset/whatever...some rush of emotions while i try to backtrack to where this drink came from etc...used to have the same dream about cigarettes...looking at my hand and seeing a half-smoked cigarette dangling from my fingers, saying to myself Damn i guess i'm a smoker again. where did i get the idea i didn't have control over whether or not i became addicted to stuff? grew up hearing that "Detricks are addictive personalities" and it's crazy how we believe what we hear. jesus who would say that to a kid? refused to go to vegas forever because i was sure i was gonna become a gambling addict with the first hand of blackjack...a game i loved to play as a kid with my brothers...
addictive personality...really? breeding weakness...smh...
walking back from the gym this morning i automatically cross 14th street with starbucks on the back burner of my mind...when i come face to face with my actual consciousness--starbucks...caramel frappucino...sugar...i realize how sugar is seeped into my limbs...walking across that street was all auto-pilot... i hadn't even formed the thought in my consciousness, it just happened, like breathing. hrmmph...Day 2...
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